In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last week or so, Hannah Montana star, Miley Cyrus has come under a lot of flak following her “racy pose” for a Vanity Fair cover shoot in which she flashed… ummm… her back… right… hot.

Since the day the photo’s were released (methinks Monday) there have been loads of claims (Miley Cyrus was tricked into doing it) and counter-claims (Miley Cyrus and her Billy Ray Cyrus are lying). Well at least it was good for one thing… publicity for Vanity Fair.

IMDB.com report that Vanity Fair’s website had to shut down for four hours yesterday after being flooded by pedo’s

people, who were eager to see the completely unremarkable stars photo’s.

Am I the only one that doesn’t get Miley Cyrus?

I mean… She’s not pretty, not a good actress (I watched Hannah Montana once… and she was dancing in High School Musical 2… Don’t raise your eyebrows at me! HSM is brilliant!) and she’s not a Jew (Controversy!!!)… so tell me… what the hell is she doing in Hollywood?

And why are people making such a big deal out of this? She’s a girl… In Hollywood… hence she’s bound to be a whore. And don’t correct me. I enjoy living in my own bubble of lies and deceit. The Commies killed Kennedy By the way. Just saying.

Paris Hilton’s current STD dispensary, Benji Madden of Good Charlotte “fame”, has written a song commemorating The Hottie and the Nottie “star” (I love inverted comma’s. They look so pretty.). The song is entitled “Shine your light” and Paris Hilton unsurprisingly loves it… I mean… It’s a song… about her. Of course this attention whore will like it. They could name an STD after her and she’d love it. Apart from obviously having it.

They actually should name an STD after Paris. Than people would say, “Yeah… I banged a whore the other night… and now I have Paris. Yeah… It burns when I pee… and when I eat… and when I walk.”. And it would also remind the next generation of what our generation had to go through when Paris Hilton was a “celebrity”.

Anyway… Paris says about the song,

“He surprised me with it. It’s called, ‘Shine Your Light.’ It’s this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me.”

She goes on to say about Benji,

“He’s my best friend. He’s just different from any guy that I’ve ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he’d be there for me, no matter what.”

That’s sweet.

It must suck for him though that his girlfriend sucked off about 4 guys in the time you read this post.

… Why can’t their love be real… like this?

So says mens mag FHM, who have just released their annual 100 sexiest women in the world list. Britney crawled back into the list at number 100 narrowly beating out… I have no idea. FHM doesn’t really do consolation prizes. Which is sad because they got one after they lost out on the awesomeness stakes to Maxim. Zing!

The top ten go like this…

1. Megan Fox
2. Jessica Biel
3. Jessica Alba
4. Elisha Cuthbert
5. ScarJo
6. Emmanuelle Chriquri
7. Hilary Duff
8. Tricia Helfer
9. Blake Lively
10. Kate Beckinsale

How original. The girl who played the “sexy chick” in a summer blockbuster won. Those folks at FHM earn their money by making such well thought out and profound decisions.

Seriously though. I can go through that list and find 25 woman that I wouldn’t touch… Well… Ok… I would. But only because I’m a desperate loser… and I wouldn’t be proud of it.

Britney Spears, Victoria Beckham, The Olsen twins, Lauren Conrad, Madonna, Audrina Partridge, Paris Hilton, Nicole Scherzinger, Eva Longoria (Controversy!), Tara Reid, Shakira (I just don’t get her appeal), Katherine Heigl, Heidi Montag, Cheryl Burke, Maria Sharapova (The fact that she could play mens basketball kinda’ puts me off), Vanessa Hudgens (WTF?), Lindsay Lohan, Rihanna (methinks it’s the forehead)…

Ok so that’s 18. But it’s only because I don’t know who 50 of them are…

It’s a sad state of affairs when a pathetic teenage blogger would feel ashamed to sleep with 18 of the “worlds most beautiful woman”…

… Do you think chicks on other planets are as hot as Natasha Henstridge was in Species?

…

I have to wonder, why is Aishwarya Rai not on said list? I know it’s “sexiest” and not “beautifulest most beautiful” but how can anyone say Tara Reid’s “E’s horrific plastic surgery” body is “sexier” than Ms. Rai’s?

More about it here

Even the Russians! You’d think they’d be happy with the American that is threatening to make sure that instead of 1 in 4 young Americans having STD’s… 1 in 3 should! (Dun dun dun…) They should really consider making a movie like that… Paris would be like that hot chick from Species… except she’d be wonky eyed, skinny and emaciated… actually she’d be nothing like the hot girl from Species.

Anyway, trust Paris Hilton to be juvenile. She’s been banned from Hyatt Hotel in Moscow fro scribbling on the walls.

Starpulse.com reports,

The hotel heiress, 27, wrote ‘Paris Moscow 2008′ in a black marker pen in $16,000 -a-night suite in the Hyatt Hotel in the Russian capital.
Hilton wrote on the wall for a photo-shoot in the room. However bosses at the hotel were unimpressed - and fined her $9,000. A hotel spokesman says, “Miss Hilton ruined the wallpaper in the luxury suite. In such a case the client automatically goes on the black list.”

Eejit.

You’d think she’d at least scribble something awesome like, “visit www.soggycornflakes.com bitches!”.

I did that in my university toilets. Than I drew a picture of my lecturer having sex with a gorilla. And by “sex” I mean… brutally raped.

I’m a class act.

Oh… and some news.

Did you click? Ha! I tricked you into reading my other blog. And by “my” I mean “theirs”… I write for them, OK?

You know how they say, that if you hang out with someone enough you’ll get their habits?

Well… apparently after spending the entire day (15 minutes of it at least) writing about celebs, I’ve become a bit of a sellout.

I’m now writing at MovieZen as well. They pay me. Cash. And sure… It’s a Bollywood blog. Haha. Let’s all laugh at the silly blogger that has to watch musicals… But remember! It’s not gay if there are hot chicks involved. Dancing. In skimpy outfits.

Aah. Sage advice. Sage advice indeed.

So… Here’s a list of posts I’ve written. The quality of writing or humor has not improved in the least… So eat your heart out.

Harman Baweja to dump Priyanka Chopra?

Katrina Kaif isn’t competing with Kareena Kapoor

Koena Mitra is delusional

Does Kareena Kapoor want to have unprotected sex?

Upen Patel is desperate

The Psychiatrists are going crazy

Salman is desperate to prove he’s gay

…That’s all.

…Except you might want to go read the posts… Because my boss is really mean and gets cranky when we don’t get visitors.

Hey Boss!!! *waves*

Former tennis ace player, Anna Kournikova, refuses to marry Latin crooner Enrique Iglesias despite his frequent proposals. So says the (son of) great man himself.

Iglesias Jr., who has been involved with Anna K since… well… ages… says,

“I always try, but she pays me no attention.”

Wow. It must suck to keep proposing to someone and for them to completely ignore you.

I mean… I can see it now.

Enrique: Anna, will you marry me?
Anna K: Have you seen the can opener?

Or…

Enrique: Anna, I’ve loved you since the day we met. Will you marry me?
Anna K: Have you seen the can opener?

Or:

Enrique: Anna… No! How could you?! I wanted you to marry me! Will you?
Anna K: (groaning)… Have you seen the can opener? I can make something for you before my boyfriend gets back.

… You can interpret the groan to mean anything. I’m sick :D.

Enrique needs to take lady tips from this guy. He’s been married 3 times already. And pissed off half of Asia.

Jessica Alba says she’s tired of being pregnant, because it zaps her of her energy. The Fantastic Four star is carrying the child of her beau, Cash Warren, who happens to be an assistant (i.e. The coffee go to guy… Y’know. He’s responsible for getting backup dancers their coffee. Just saying.).

Alba says,

“I have to make sure that I’m eating more of the right nutrients and vitamins, but I’m not used to eating this much.

“I’ve had to take time out of the day to eat before I get cranky and rundown and tired. Before I was just like the energizer bunny.”

What did she expect?

Just because she was born super hot, did she expect God to give her a great pregnancy in which rainbows shoot out of all her holes every day while she smiles and claps, before a ridiculously good looking baby will just pop out of thin air holding a sign that says, “Mum’s hot!”?

It doesn’t work that way Ms. Alba. God was kind to you, but your kid is going to be hideous.

He/She has to be right?

I know that God doesn’t play favorites (Except for all the rich heirs) but surely everyone knows God hates the kids of good looking people?

Right? Right?!

God I need to see a psychiatrist(s) over my bitterness issues. They seem to complain a lot though.

Harry Potter star, Emma Watson, is set to recieve the $20,000,000 she has amassed over 5 crap Harry Potter films, playing the equally crap Hermione Granger.

Watson who turned 18 on April 15, was forced to take a crash course in money management and was only allowed to take control of the money if she allowed four senior managers to scrutinize her expenses.

A source close to Emma says,

“The idea is for the money to grow and safeguard her future - not be blown in a couple of years of high-living,”

… Stuff like this makes me hate life… More than I already do, I mean.

… Just because you have mousy hair and are English (And are devoid of any acting talent whatsoever), you get the chance to play a character in a series of movies that were destined to be hits even if the lead roles were played by Lepers…

Still… At least I have my Xbox.

No… Wait… I don’t. That was a dream I had last night. I’m still poor.

Still at least I have a girlfriend, unlike this desperate fellow.

… No… I don’t. Another dream. Damn you subconscious! Damn you to hell!

Tom Cruise and his beard wife are supposedly going through some marital strife.

Katie Holmes is reportedly upset about the fact that Tom Cruise wants her to be a Stepford Wife/Fembot (I used both because I didn’t know which one would be more applicable in this case), and is looking to spend some time away from Tommy boy by going to New York to star in a Broadway show.

Tom Tom however doesn’t see it this way and is apparently determined to follow Holmes to the ends of the earth to make sure that she won’t split at the first opportunity.

Holmes is also upset at how the Cruiseter crazy guy (The Cruiseter is way too cool for Tom Cruise) calls all the shots on how to raise Suri.

A source said,

“Tom wants to call all the shots when it comes to Suri. He has a lot of rules, and there’s conflict.”

That’s not surprising to be honest.

If you want your child to believe that aliens are coming to get you and to avoid being bombed you have to prepare a secret hideout where people with enough theta neurons will be kept safe…

Yeah. You’re probably best off getting an early start to the brainwashing.

Must be what this guy is trying to in India.

With Lindsay Lohan in the arms of Sam Ronson, Nicole Richie “looking after” her kid and Britney Spears locked up, Paris Hilton seems to be running short of people to fight with. So much so that she’s decided to despise a practical nobody.

Paris Hilton has supposedly declared war on Mischa Barton (You know that girl from the OC? Not the hot one. The skinny irritating one?), for supposedly no reason whatsoever except perhaps to give her empty life some purpose.

The Mirror reports,

It seems Paris is none too pleased that the actress is muscling-in on her UK tour with boyfriend Benji Madden’s band Good Charlotte.

Mischa is also over here to support her own bloke, guitarist Taylor Rocke who coincidentally plays with LA band Rooney, which is supporting Good Charlotte. And Mischa, needless to say, will be there in the wings.

Charming.

It must suck being so filled with hate. Why can’t people be like me? Filled with love and affection for all God’s creatures.

Except for Paris Hilton…

If I f***ing saw that b***h I’d f***ing c*** her in her b*****d before grabbing her f***ing pinhead and slamming it into a f***ing brick wall until her miniscule brains slid down the wall…

Apart from that I love everyone.

Like I said it’s pointless to be consumed by hate.

Remember that Grasshopper.

Why can’t we all love? Like her.